Grieving Childhood

Emma Saylor | Writer

As a student who is graduating from high school this spring, I can not help but feel so burned out from all of the overwhelming but exciting choices that lay ahead.

Growing up, one might idolize the future like one might look at their most prized possession and wish upon every star with the hope that one day they will become the person that they dream of becoming.

"I just want to grow up," they say so surely. As if they forget that growing up also comes with the trials and tribulations that make the fun parts of growing up not so fun anymore. I don’t wish I could repeat my life all over again, although my childhood was amazing. My grief stems far from the idea of regret and is much higher in the realm of wishing I could see and feel it all again.

The grief comes when you realize you won’t laugh as hard as you did in science class with all of your friends surrounding you. You feel an ache when you look back at all the times of worry and fear that prevented you from the things that you now wish you had done. You know that you won’t ever experience the dizziness of a childhood crush or the butterflies of preparing for your first big game.

All of it feels like a bubble that has grown much bigger than any of us can contain, consuming every part of our childhood little by little until slowly, bitterly, and without us even realizing, it's gone for good.